Five Things Mose Learned
by Nighthawk-Moonshadow
Summary: ...About Life at DunderMifflin from Dwight. DwightxAngela, with mentions of JimxPam, JimxKaren, JimxDwight, DwightxKelly, RyanxKelly, and MichaelxJan


1.

Assistant to the Regional Manager is an important job. Assistant Regional Manager is even more important.

When Dwight was Assistant "to the" Regional Manager (Mose was always adding the "to the" in whenever Dwight forgot, which was pretty often), he would get home around six, eat dinner with Mose (conversation topic: the beets tonight are bland/sharp/firm/exquisite, etc.), and sit down to watch the X-Files or Alias. Sometimes they would splurge, and Dwight would come home with one of the _Lord of the Rings_ movies (Not Mose's kind of movie, but Dwight was the breadwinner, so he got to pick). He never went in to the office on the weekends, instead helping Mose out on the farm, dressed in a tank top ("it's a muscle shirt," Dwight would insist. Mose thought you at least _needed_ muscles to call it that) and work jeans. They would get muddy and spray each other with the hose at the end of the day.

When the "to the" was taken away, it signaled a change. Dwight sometimes comes home now at eight or nine (the beets are soggy and cold by then, but Dwight will still eat them, with Mose watching him from the couch), and they don't watch a lot of movies anymore (he's beginning to miss that little "hobsnit" thingy, what was its name? Afro?). Sometimes, Dwight won't even come home at all, and will call him to tell him to put dinner away (he throws it out; reheating beets is a crime in the Schrute household. So is wasting them, but he can never quite finish all of Dwight's leftover beets). On the weekends, Dwight sometimes goes in to work; wifebeater ("muscle shirt, Mose") replaced by his dress shirt, and jeans replaced with work slacks. Mose still gets dirty, but there is no one to hose him off.

Dwight tells him that Michael expects more of him now. Mose wonders why the numbers on the pay slips he sees (Dwight may be the breadwinner, but he does finances at work, so Mose pays the bills) never seem to increase. Dwight says that it's not about the money. Mose wonders how two little words could change everything.

2.

Jim Halpert is a bad, bad man.

Dwight never stops talking about this "Jim" fellow. The only person Mose has ever met from the office was Ryan (and that didn't seem to go very well; Mose wishes Michael hadn't made them do the initiation, but Dwight said that Michael was very adamant about it, and Michael's Dwight's boss, so in a way he's Mose's boss too). But Mose knows more about Jim than he probably does about anyone else Dwight associates with (he would never tell Dwight that, because then he'd get an earful about Angela, and Mose doesn't need any more discussion about that woman).

One day, a few years ago, Dwight came home with a half destroyed mold of green gelatin. He mentioned something about a stapler and went off on a rant about his coworker (Mose didn't remember much. He was too busy enjoying the gelatin; it was pretty good, and if Jim hadn't been doing it as a prank, Mose might've thought about sending him a thank you card).

A long time later, Mose found Dwight still asleep on a Friday (he'd almost thought Dwight was an odd sort of intruder, since Dwight never missed work), and had woken him up urgently, yelling at him to get to work.

"Calm down Mose, let me sleep a little longer and I'll help you with the beets. Since when are you this pushy on a Saturday morning?"

When Mose explained that it was not in fact Saturday, but Friday (though still a wonderfully perfect day for beet farming), Dwight's face went red. Only one word came out of his mouth.

"HALPERT!"

Mose really hated Jim then. Dwight wasn't a morning person. Angry Dwight wasn't fit for any time of the day.

When Dwight came home a few weeks ago and told Mose that he'd resigned, Mose knew it must've had something to do with Jim. He had a mind to find this Jim guy right then and there and give him a fierce telling off (and maybe thank him for the gelatin as an afterthought, since Mose was a gentleman). When he told Dwight this, the man just shook his head, looking off into the distance as he did so.

"If you want to yell at someone, go yell at Angela."

Even Mose wasn't that crazy (though he could always dream).

Later that night, he peeked through the door to Dwight's room to see how his cousin was holding up. Dwight's shoes and jacket were kicked into the corner (great, another trip to the cleaners, Mose thought) and he was sitting in his desk chair, something gripped in his hand. It was a picture frame, but Mose couldn't make out the picture. Dwight was leaning over his desk, one arm supporting his head, the other tracing circles on the edge of the frame.

Mose watched Dwight for a few minutes before departing. When he heard Dwight make a trip to the bathroom, he put down the book he'd been reading (2006 Farmer's Almanac. You would never find _Beet Farming for Dummies_ on his bookshelf) and snuck into Dwight's room. The picture frame was lying on the desk, and Mose picked it up, inspecting the photo inside.

A younger Dwight looked back at him, with a fresh faced Jim by his side. The new salesman had an eager look on his face, ready to face any challenge, and looked like the perfect candidate to be under his cousin's tutelage (Mose wondered if Dwight had known then that Jim would be trouble). Mose remembered the look Dwight had had on his face while looking at the picture.

Standing up to Angela didn't seem as scary as what Mose was thinking right then.

3.

All the women working at Dunder-Mifflin are evil (almost all according to Dwight, reminding Mose of Angela. Mose secretly includes Angela in this list anyway).

First there is Pam. Mose has seen pictures of Pam, and you would never really think she could be evil. But she is Jim's partner in pranking (Mose has a feeling that they're partners in more than that), and anyone who messes with Dwight is evil (especially Andy, though he's not a girl, so that's for another time).

Then there's Kelly. The first time he learned that Kelly was evil was after the Christmas party. Anyone who can make Angela's face that red as she bellowed to Dwight about loyalty must be ten times as evil as Angela could ever be (Mose really hopes Dwight never invites Ryan for dinner, because that would inevitably mean Kelly would be coming, and Mose would rather reheat beets than see her).

Phyllis is evil because there can only be one "explosive personality" in the office, and Dwight has taken that spot (with Andy biting at his heels.) Meredith is an alcoholic whore, according to Dwight (according to Angela). Finally, Karen is evil because she has chosen to associate herself with the likes of Jim (Dwight had high hopes for her, but apparently no woman can resist the evil charming ways of Jim Halpert).

And that, Dwight says, is why a woman should never be in the workplace (Mose declines to remind him that Angela is standing right behind him. They have a fight and she goes home angry. Dwight ignores Mose for the rest of the day, pouting, and goes to bed without dinner.

That, Mose thinks, while he attempts to finish the last of Dwight's cold beets, is why Angela Martin is the most evil woman in the office.)

4.

Inter-office dating should be banned (When Moses reminds him of Angela, Dwight says that they are not dating, they are in "a relationship." Mose think's he's full of it, but continues stirring the pot in front of him anyways).

Dwight goes on, explaining each bad relationship in detail. The first trouble came with Ryan and Kelly. Dwight pities Kelly for having to take her second choice of Ryan, and must resent Ryan for not being the wonder that Dwight is (Now Mose _knows_ he's full of it). Dwight thinks that if Ryan actually put his foot down, they might not have to deal with Kelly's constant jabbering (Mose doubts this) and get some work done.

Next is Pam and Jim.

"They aren't dating Dwight, you told me Jim is dating Karen."

Dwight goes on to explain that even Mose could see that Jim is head-over-heels in love with Pam, and that their crazy love triangle is tearing the office apart (Mose fails to see how).

Finally, Dwight says, there's Jan Levinson (Even Mose shudders at the name. Jan is the one woman who might be even scarier than Angela.) He says that if she wasn't such a sly vixen, Michael would be a lot better off.

Mose asks him what Jan does to Michael. Dwight tells him about how the romance started and then blossomed. He mentions the 2 hour distance (Mose never had a woman drive 2 hours for him) and how it drives Michael crazy, leaving him to jabber at Dwight at how "wonderful" Jan is, how "brilliant" she is, how "sexy" and "good in the sack" (Mose grins at the last one) she is. "He won't shut up about her!" Dwight finishes his ranting.

Mose just gives him a shrug and asks him if Angela is coming over for dinner. Dwight gets that dreamy sort of look he seems to have now whenever her name is mentioned. He starts talking about how they snuck into the storage room and made out that afternoon. Mose smiles, Dwight being happy makes him happy.

Maybe, Mose thinks, inter-office relationships aren't so bad.

5.

Michael Scott is the greatest boss in the world.

It's not because of the "World's Best Boss" mug he has in his office (Mose found the same mug in the dollar store one day and thought about buying it to show Dwight, but decided not to crush his dream that Michael had won it in a death match against other regional managers). It's not because of his funny jokes (Mose fails to find the humor in gay jokes, that kind of thing shouldn't be tolerated). It's not because of his great managing skills (Mose has no snide comments about this. He actually agrees that anyone who can keep the Scranton Branch of Dunder-Mifflin afloat must be doing something right). No, it's because he's not just their boss, he's their friend.

Mose just smirks whenever Dwight mentions this to him. The latest incident where Dwight helped Michael with his video for his unborn child just proves how naïve Dwight can be sometimes (though Mose will never tell him this, Dwight's ego is more fragile than one might think). Dwight goes on about how Michael forgave him for betraying him (it's not that Mose doesn't like Michael, it's just that money is always tight, and Regional Manager might've meant less beet farming and more beer money). He mentions how Michael stayed with him when he had to go to the hospital for a concussion (which Michael technically did cause). Finally, Dwight says, Michael respects him more than anyone else in the office (except of course, Angela).

Mose could never work with people who respect him that little.


End file.
